In the United States, the month of May is designated as National Foster Care Month. Children who enter the Foster Care System are typically victims of abuse, neglect and/or abandonment. At the time of the January 2011 Children’s Defense Fund report, there were 418, 422 fostered children in the United States. Additionally, according to the Child Welfare League of America, 30 to 85 % of children in foster care have behavioral and emotional needs. Although the percentage is high, there are therapeutic interventions to address the behavioral and emotional needs of fostered children.
Foster and Adoptive parents constantly seek ways to meet the behavioral and emotional needs of fostered children. Experiences of such magnitude can create behaviors such as:
-Lying
-Stealing
-Bedwetting
-Physical Aggression
- Oppositional Defiance
-Withdrawal
The behavioral needs of traumatized children are also coupled with emotional needs. It is not uncommon for fostered children to receive Mental Health services to address a plethora of emotions that can arise due to the trauma. The emotional needs can be such a priority that following adoption there is a continued need for services. It’s all part of the healing process. Some of the emotional needs that are observed in fostered children can include:
-Lack of Trust
-Impulsivity
-Anger
-Feelings of Abnormality
-Entitlement
-Guilt
When I previously counseled youth who were substance abusing, completing daily Thinking, Feeling and Acting (TFAs) assignments were part of the program. The school of thought connected to TFAs reflected how a person thinks determines how they feel and how they feel determines how they act. The emotional needs of fostered children are typically manifested through their behavior or “acting out” and can become routinely seen in the classroom and/or in the foster or adoptive placement. In my 16 years of working with fostered children, I have learned that one of the main reasons traumatized children “act out” is because their behavior is the only aspect in their life which perceive as being able to control. For a child in Foster Care, many of the aspects of their life can be out of their control. From having to be initially placed in the foster care system, going from one foster home or group home to another, getting to know another foster parent or group home staff member to changes in schools. Unfortunately, these are events which at times, fostered children have not asked for.
It is understandable why fostered children can have severe behavioral and emotional needs. Some behavioral interventions that have been used with this population include:
• Always responding with love. Despite how severe the behavior and your response to that behavior, always attempt to reconnect with the child. Children who have experienced loss and multiple changes struggle with attachment.
• Provide opportunities to make realistic as well as limited choices. As trust is earned by foster or adoptive parent the choices can increase. Remember: fostered children tend to seek control from a world that appears to be out of control.
• Sincere simple compliments. Children who have been exposed to negative comments can have a difficulty accepting praise.
• Ensure that boundaries are well defined, understood and consistent. Children silently crave boundaries as a sense of safety and security.
Through behavior and emotion fostered children tell their “story.” As a foster or adoptive parent you play such a pivotal role in helping the children of this population heal from their hurts. Every behavior and emotion connected to “acting out” is a piece of the story. As an advocate, it is our responsibility to be aware that the story is being told, be willing to listen to the child sharing the story and be ready to assist the child in their unique healing process. Hopefully, the above suggestions will help you journey with the children who enter your home.
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