You should first make sure that the organization you choose has been in this industry for years. You do not want to be the first parent to request this kind of help from the agency you are considering. You need one that has been around for years and has assisted numerous families with this endeavor. Look at the history of the place you are considering, and then check reviews to make sure it has not only been around for years, but also has a good reputation in your community.

You also need an adoption agency that will take your needs and preferences into consideration. This should be a two way street for the best experience possible. You do not want to resent the person you end up with because he or she is not exactly what you expected. For example, if you prefer an infant and are not comfortable raising a teenager, the organization you choose should respect your preference and avoid showing you pictures of teens who need to be adopted. In addition, if you only want one child, you should not need to feel pressured into adopting two siblings. It is best for both you and the child that you adopt a son or daughter that you can handle, so this means your preferences regarding age, number of kids, and even specific details like race or disability should be considered by the adoption organization you choose.

Most of the best agencies provide a lot of help for families looking to adopt. For example, they might offer some advice as you decide which preferences you might have. They might also offer training sessions to ensure you are ready for this responsibility, or even counseling in case you have any worries that need to be resolved first. Getting such help is important for you, your family, and the child you end up adopting since it allows you to be prepared.

You are encouraged to meet with a few adoption agencies before you decide which one to use. This is a life changing event for several people, including yourself, your family, and the adopted child. This is why it is important to take several details into consideration, and reputable agencies should be able to help.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6820293

• Forms for home study, immigration application, placement agency, and so on.
• Documents related to your health, finances, and personal history.
• Medical records and other documents related to the child you are adopting.
• Travel documents if you are adopting a child from a foreign country.
• Documents related to post-placement reports and home visits.

The list may appear to be endless! The amount of paperwork increases as you get closer to adoption or if you are adopting a child from a different country. In both domestic and international adoption, you will have to be ready to travel at any time and must have all your papers in order. However, with careful planning and preparation, you can keep up with the paperwork and manage to overcome your initial fears about going through the daunting process.

Here are a few tips to help you deal effectively with adoption paperwork:

• Try to start your day an hour earlier than usual or stay up an hour later. This will give you the much-needed quiet time to do adoption reading and paperwork. Use a timer to ensure you spend the entire hour on the work you planned to do.

• Sit in a quiet area where you will not be disturbed or distracted and make a to-do list of paperwork you need to complete, along with realistic deadlines.

• Read encouraging adoption stories or listen to adoption audios that will boost your confidence and push you to complete all necessary paperwork in time

• Create a filing system for all your adoption paperwork. This will help you find documents in a moment’s notice and save time and money. You can even use software programs to help you organize your adoption paperwork.

• At the end of each session working on your adoption, establish the goals and tasks required for the next time. This will help you stay focused and come prepared knowing the next task at hand.

When you stick to an organized plan for a couple of weeks you will be surprised at how much paperwork you were able to complete within the deadline. Always remember that every effort you make in the adoption process is bringing you one step closer to the child God has meant for you!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6755622

The statistics show that single parents are now adopting around twenty-five percent of children with special needs and about five per cent of all other adoptions. Children with special needs are considered harder to place with a foster family and a significant number of these children are being adopted by people wanting to start their own single parent families.

Although mental health experts think that the ideal is to place a child in a home where there is both a mother and father, this is not always possible. Even though single parent adopting has been largely accepted as a good practice, there are still many detractors and many agencies will not even entertain the idea of a single parent adoption.

Single men find it even more difficult to adopt a child, but there are those who do manage through perseverance, and the national support organization, the Committee for Single Adoptive Parents, says that 10% of parents who adopt are single men. This change in roles, as such, has come about over the years by women becoming more career-oriented, thereby expecting the man to do more around the house and also to become more involved in child-rearing.

Things to consider

• Decide whether you want to adopt a child from your own country or whether you would like to go ahead with an international adoption, also known as an inter country or transnational adoption. If you decide to go ahead with an international adoption you will also have to decide on which country you would like to adopt from. Countries such as China or South Korea are open to international adoptions and while the process is arduous and expensive, countries in Africa are more complicated to adopt from

• Decide which age child you would like to adopt; there is a big difference in adopting a toddler and a teenager, for instance.

• Think very long and hard about whether you would be willing to adopt a special-needs child, and be honest with yourself as to whether you would be able to give that child all the attention and love he/she deserves.

• Make contact with a Social Service Agency and research what is required and find out about specific adoption programs that may exist in your state.

• Find an adoption agency within the state in which you live; this agency would have to do a Home Study to make sure that your home is child-friendly. They will also help with the adoption process and usually with after-placement services too.

• Be very careful to research the agency which you would like to use to make sure that they are legitimate and not trying to swindle you out of your money.

Single parents almost all say that the best resource that you can have when trying to adopt as a single parent is a Parent Support Group who could help you with all the ins and outs that adopting as a single parent entails. The members of such a group can also supply you with a lot of good advice from their own firsthand experience. Most importantly, you must realize that adoptions, especially inter country adoptions, can be a lengthy process and you should not get discouraged if it takes a year to process.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6756701

Overview

When an adoption occurs between two countries who have ratified and implementing the mandates of the Convention (I call those Convention countries), they must adhered to the Convention in accord with the laws of the respective countries. A major advantage of a Convention country is that it cannot change the adoption procedures at will like a non-Convention country. For that aspect alone, I wish the Convention had been in place when we adopted my daughter from Guatemala in 2002.

The Convention does not prevent adoptions between the 86 Convention countries (Vietnam ratified the Convention last week and it will go into effect on 2/1/12) and non-Convention countries. Non-Convention countries Ethiopia, Russia South Korea, and Ukraine accounted for 44% of 2010 adoptions. Convention country China accounted for 31% of the adoption. These five countries sent 75% of the children in 2010.

The Convention requires the creation of a central adoption authority in each Convention country. For the US, the Office of Children’s Issues in the Bureau of Consular Affairs at the U.S. Department of State is our central authority. It is run by Ambassador Susan Jacobs.

Guatemala and Cambodia are unique Convention countries in relationship to the US. Neither have convinced our central authority that they are implementing the mandates of the Convention. For that reason, adoptions cannot occur between the US and those countries.

Convention Text

The rest of this article is my commentary on the Convention.

Preamble

Recognizing that the child, for the full and harmonious development of his or her personality, should grow up in a family environment, in an atmosphere of happiness, love and understanding

Nothing is more important for a well-formed human child than growing up in this type of family.

Recalling that each State should take, as a matter of priority, appropriate measures to enable the child to remain in the care of his or her family of origin

There is no doubt that we develop our identity by our family-of-origin. In a perfect world, a child whose parent can no longer parent would be raised by extended family.

Recognizing that intercountry adoption may offer the advantage of a permanent family to a child for whom a suitable family cannot be found in his or her State of origin

In addition to a family, we gain identity from our country-of-origin. Again, in a perfect world, it is better for a child to grow up in their country of birth. As we will see later, the Convention demands that every effort must be made to find a home for the child in the sending country before make them available for international adoption.

Convinced of the necessity to take measures to ensure that intercountry adoptions are made in the best interests of the child and with respect for his or her fundamental rights, and to prevent the abduction, the sale of, or traffic in children

These are the basic tenets of the Convention. I completely agree these are important issues. Every human-from conception till natural death-is entitled to fundamental rights. The countries of the world must do all they can to prevent crimes against children such as those listed.

What the Adoption Process Needs is Another Bureaucracy

Javier Pascual Salcedo understood international adoption when he said, “Bureaucracy is the art of making the possible impossible”.

As if there are not enough organizations in international adoption telling us to cross “t”s and dot lower case “j’s, the Convention demands each country establish a Central Adoption Authority. The Central Authorities have the responsibility of implementing the Convention within the laws of their countries. They must also work with the Central Authorities in the other countries to facilitate the adoptions between the countries.

The Convention lists the reports and records that must be created, filed, and maintained with the Permanent Bureau of the Hague Conference on Private International Law in The Hague. Another role of the Central Authority is to create (or appoint) another agency to accredit adoption agencies. Title II of the Intercountry Adoption Act of 2000 describes how this is be done in the US.

Our Central Authority (the Office of Children’s Issues within the State Department) has designated the Council on Accreditation and the State of Colorado Department of Human Services as the accreditation bodies. These two bodies are responsible for ensuring American adoption agencies meet the standards of the Convention. If adopting from a Convention country, you must use an accredited or approve agency.

To help keep the Socialists who wrote the Convention happy, in the US we accredit not-for-profit agencies and approve for-profit agencies. They both meet the same standards; they just have different designations.

The Central Authority provides a list of all an accredited and approved agencies to all Convention countries. Those countries do the same for the US. This ensures the agencies in both countries following the same standards. If adopting from a non-Convention countries, there is no requirement to use a specific agency.

On Financial Gain

There are dirtballs out there that buy and sell children to place them for adoption. This is one of the primary reasons the Convention came into place. Anyone who does this to children should be have cola poured over them and they strung up by their most sensitive body parts over one hundred hives of honey bees.

This is when the free-market, capitalist side of me takes the keyboard. The anti-western Socialists who helped write the Convention jumped on this crime against children like a good bureaucrat and over-reacted. They wrote the Convention with an underlying theme that profit is evil.

For example, according to Article 8 the “Central Authorities shall take, directly or through public authorities, all appropriate measures to prevent improper financial or other gain in connection with an adoption…”.

Article 32 gives more details: “No one shall derive improper financial or other gain from an activity related to an intercountry adoption. Only costs and expenses, including reasonable professional fees of persons involved in the adoption, may be charged or paid. The directors, administrators and employees of bodies [adoption professionals] involved in an adoption shall not receive remuneration which is unreasonably high in relation to services rendered.”

Since Intercountry Adoption Act of 200 does not define improper gain, the definition falls to the Secretary of State to make that determination. The market determines what is proper profit. The last thing we need is government interference in setting prices or compensation of adoption professionals.

Who Can Be Placed for Adoption

Article 4 requirements are similar to the requirements of many American states concerning adoption:

• everything must be in writing
• if the child is of the age of reason the wishes of the child must be considered
• the birthparents must be completely informed of the adoption and has freely given their consent without compensation
• the child cannot be placed for adoption until after birth

Article 5 describes how adoptive parents must be are ready and competent to receive the adoptive child.

There is a clause in article 4 that bothers me: Competent authorities (that term is used throughout the Convention) in the sending country “have determined, after possibilities for placement of the child within the State of origin have been given due consideration, that an intercountry adoption is in the child’s best interests”.

To me, this says to the adoptive child, “You know, NOBODY in your country-of-origin wanted you.” 43 children were adopted from the US in 2010. That means in the country that adopts more children from other countries, among the 310,000,000+ of us, we could not find a home for 43? Something is wrong here.

Until the Central Authority in the sending country determines a child eligible for international adoption (Article 4: a-c) and the Central Authority in receiving country determines the eligibility of the adoptive parents (Article 5: a), the prospective child and prospective parents cannot meet (Article 29). There is an exception for rules established in the sending country. This means you cannot go to a Convention country on a mission trip, fall in love with an orphan, and adopt that child.

The Hague Convention Process

• American prospective parent(s) files an I-800A with the USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services).
• The parent(s) complete a homestudy including the items listed in Article 15.
• When parent(s) meet USCIS’ standards, the application is forwarded to the Central Authority in the sending country.
• When a child is determined eligible for international adoption in the sending country, their Central Authority prepares a report on the child according to Article 16 and forwards the report to US.
• Through their adoption agency, the prospective parent(s) accept the referral of the child according to Article 17.
• Both countries work through their processes to move the child to the US. Each Central Authority is required to keep the other informed of the status through the process (Article 20) and complete the process as expeditiously as possible (Article 35).

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6709203

Being a foster parent is a demanding and rewarding job. You take vulnerable, delicate, and often sad and hurting children into your home and try your best to provide them with the love, security, and support they need to have a chance for a better life, a life that is characterized by the aforementioned values. But foster children may also harbor a lot of anger, sadness, and resentment, and thus it is not always easy for the foster kids and foster families to get along. If you are or are thinking about becoming a foster parent, here are a few tips to keep in mind that allow you to build better connections with your foster kid(s):

Develop strong communication skills: Communication is what keeps a family going, and healthy communication means being able to express both good and bad feelings to those you love without fear of neglect or retaliation. Be open to your foster children and show them that you are there to communicate with them and teach them to openly communicate with you.

Know yourself and the rest of your family: If you are bringing a foster child into your family and you already have kids, it can be a tricky situation. Make sure you have a solid understanding of your own family unit first in terms of each individual member’s identity and emotional needs before introducing a new family member into the mix.

Ensure health and safety: As a foster parent, it is crucial that you provide a healthy and safe environment for your foster kids, as well as for anyone else in the family. Healthy relationships with good boundaries are the key to helping young people mature into responsible, self-respecting adults.

Help your foster kids grieve: It is ok to talk about loss and grief with your foster kids because they are likely struggling with the loss of their own parents, whether to drugs, death, or neglect. Provide your foster kids with a safe space to share their sadness and fear without fear of judgment or criticism.

Boost self-esteem: Help your foster kids see how valuable their thoughts, opinions, and talents are and let them know how worthy they are of love and goodness in their lives. This will help them to value themselves more and contribute to a more positive sense of self.

Building connections with your foster kids is about building boundaries, love, safety, and self-esteem. Re-evaluating how you relate with your foster kids can also help you to strengthen the bonds you have with the rest of your family, as well as with friends and colleagues. Being a foster parent is a challenge, and it is important that you assess whether you or your family are up to the task before you sign-up for the task, but if you are, the love and security you will bring to a foster child’s life is invaluable and precious.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6682384

Anyone wishing to adopt should consider adoption agencies in Michigan. Before deciding on a specific agency, make certain that it is registered with MARE, which is the Michigan Adoption Resource Exchange. MARE supplies recommendations to licensed agencies within the state. Most adoption agencies have more than one location within the state that can accommodate infant, domestic, international and special needs adoptions. Before visiting your selected adoption agency, you should first decide if you prefer an infant or an older child to share your home with as well as your love.

There are several adoption agencies in Michigan. The following list constitutes the many options that are available within the state. Some are larger than others and some specialize in different types of adoptions. The first to be discussed is Adoption Associates Incorporated. They have three offices scattered throughout the state that specialize in domestic and international infant adoptions. This agency will set up a meeting with the birth parents as well as provide their family history to you. Generally, it takes about a year to adopt an infant through this agency. However, if you are not willing to wait, you can pay additional money and look into adopting an international baby. There are many babies overseas that are currently on a waiting list to be adopted.

Of the many adoption agencies in Michigan, the Catholic Human Services is one of the largest with 21 locations throughout the north side of the state. This adoption agency specializes more in domestic infant adoptions rather than on international adoptions. Throughout the process, they recommend meeting with and maintaining an open relationship with the birth parents. This allows the birth parents a chance to assist in determining if their child would be well cared for with the prospective parents. In addition, this gives them the ability to maintain contact with their child in order to lessen any issues regarding identity crisis.

Bethany Christian Services is also another one of the various adoption agencies in Michigan. Although it is based in Grand Rapids, it has 8 other locations scattered all over the state. Their services include domestic infant adoption, older child adoption and international adoptions from China, Russia and Ethiopia. They also recommend meeting with and maintaining a positive relationship with the birth parents. When adopting older children, you should be aware that they most likely have come from abusive situations; therefore, they will have certain issues to deal with during the transition to their new home.

Lutheran Adoption Service has its corporate office in Southfield, Michigan; but they also have 5 additional offices throughout the state as well. Unlike the other adoption agencies in Michigan, they currently focus entirely on “waiting child” adoptions. There are many children in foster care that are waiting to be adopted. A large number of them have either been taken from abusive situations, are over the age of nine, have been exposed to drugs and alcohol or are a part of a sibling grouping. The prospective families who are wishing to adopt these types of children should be patient and understanding. The process of adopting through this agency is a long one; it includes intake, home study and education classes. In addition, there are supervised and follow-up visits.

Lastly, there is an adoption agency that accommodates the families of west Michigan. It is called Family and Children Services. This agency concentrates on foster care and the adoption of abused children. They provide a safe foster home as well as counseling to the children until the parental rights are terminated. Then they move forward with a plan for adoption. Most of the time, they try to get the foster parents to adopt the child since they have become attached to them, but this isn’t always the case.

Overall as I stated in the beginning, if you are seeking to adopt a child there are many adoption agencies in Michigan to consider. Whether you decide to adopt an infant or an older child, you will need to be patient with them and even tolerant of their behavior, especially if they have come from an abusive situation. This will help to gain the child’s love as well as their trust and will be the beginning of a delightful long-term relationship.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6658539

What kind of parents are these who leave their child on the steps of an orphanage and that too an infant. The infant who needs mothers love is dropped on the steps, in the hope that the infant will cry, someone will listen and come and pick up the infant. What can be a more brutal act than this? Mother is compared to God. Who do I compare such mothers with? I have had close interactions with an orphanage in India. When I began asking for the list of food items that they need for the infants, I was given a list of food that the infant should rightfully get from mother. Nature never imagined that the infant will be thrown away, so nature never provided for defenses that are needed, if mothers milk is not provided. Why the mother should deprive an infant of this? How will the mother live after throwing away her child. Sometimes I think that unless the mother is absolute evil, she will go crazy searching for her child. The guilt would kill her. How can she eat when she does not know if her child has had food? How will she laugh, when she is unsure if her child is not crying? How will she ever know if her child is alive or dead?

Such parents should be given such a punishment that others dare not repeat such acts. Small children are softer than flowers. They need all the love and protection of their mothers lap and not the cold hard surface of the orphanage steps. One must salute the people who care for these children in such homes. Feeding them, cleaning them, changing clothes, giving medicines and keeping them happy. One day the child will ask- where are my parents. Who will give the answer and what tremendous pain will the person who is asked this question undergo?

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/157409

First, all agencies have separate fees for everything within the adoption situation itself but not all agencies tell you what those are. For example, when one agency says that an adoption will cost $25,000 and another says its $20,000 plus $5,000 for addition counseling and paperwork, the fees could actually be for the exact same things. One may be telling you the breakdown and one may not be. Neither of these agencies is doing it right or wrong, it’s just the style of the agency.

Second, before agreeing to anything it is totally acceptable for you to ask for a breakdown of an adoption professional’s fees and what these fees are being used for. Try to keep in mind that some fees cover things that will not be completely discussed. For example, when an agency says it is $12,000 for agency expenses this could include things such as the caseworker’s wages, mileage to and from appointments with the birth mother or to your home, advertising, phone bills, rent (for the agency not the birth mother) and general overhead costs of running any business.

Third, some agencies charge one large fee to cover all of the birth mother expenses that will be incurred during the time that the agency is taking care of her and some agencies will break it up into smaller payments over the period of time the birth mother is pregnant. If it is one large fee understand that the agency will be trying to recoup some of the expenses they’ve had for her before you took on the responsibility. If it is smaller payments assume you will be responsible for paying from the time you are chosen by the birth mother until at least one month after the birth since the birth mother will not be able to return to work to meet her expenses. It is always acceptable to ask specifically how much is going toward the birth mother in particular such as for counseling, rent, clothing, etc. and if these are ongoing fees or are all included in the one fee quoted to you.

Fourth, the amount quoted to you in your agreement with the adoption professional should always be TOTAL and CONCLUSIVE unless stated otherwise in the contract you sign with them. This means that once you sign the contract for a certain amount in fees they are not legally allowed to coerce, insist, or assume that you will pay for anything else. And yes, this means that if it isn’t in writing that you have to and the birth mother suddenly says she needs her cell phone bill paid you are under no obligation to do so, even if (and especially if) you are told it will affect the adoption outcome. If your agency suggest that is the case please report them to the BBB and the Department of Human Resources in their state if they do. This is unacceptable.

Fifth, ask a lot of questions about any type of fee you are paying! You have the right to full disclosure, a term used often by adoption professionals. If an adoption agency tells you that the expenses are for “various office-related expenses” this may be true and may cover those things mentioned above such as utilities, etc. Then again, just because they tell you specifically what it’s for doesn’t mean you must agree. One agency I’m aware of charges around $9,000 each client for “advertising expenses” which I believe is marginally warranted but terribly excessive.

If the amount of any fee seems excessive or an agency is being too vague, you must decide whether or not the answer they have given you is valid enough for you and whether or not you want to proceed with making a contract with them. Some adoption professionals are just too aware of the emotional state of adoption and many adoptive parents feel at everyone’s mercy and are unable to ask too many questions for fear of spoiling their chances of adopting. I can tell you that this is not true! There are more than enough good adoption professionals out there that will answer your questions truthfully with fees that make sense. So ask!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6622516

First, all agencies have separate fees for everything within the adoption situation itself but not all agencies tell you what those are. For example, when one agency says that an adoption will cost $25,000 and another says its $20,000 plus $5,000 for addition counseling and paperwork, the fees could actually be for the exact same things. One may be telling you the breakdown and one may not be. Neither of these agencies is doing it right or wrong, it’s just the style of the agency.

Second, before agreeing to anything it is totally acceptable for you to ask for a breakdown of an adoption professional’s fees and what these fees are being used for. Try to keep in mind that some fees cover things that will not be completely discussed. For example, when an agency says it is $12,000 for agency expenses this could include things such as the caseworker’s wages, mileage to and from appointments with the birth mother or to your home, advertising, phone bills, rent (for the agency not the birth mother) and general overhead costs of running any business.

Third, some agencies charge one large fee to cover all of the birth mother expenses that will be incurred during the time that the agency is taking care of her and some agencies will break it up into smaller payments over the period of time the birth mother is pregnant. If it is one large fee understand that the agency will be trying to recoup some of the expenses they’ve had for her before you took on the responsibility. If it is smaller payments assume you will be responsible for paying from the time you are chosen by the birth mother until at least one month after the birth since the birth mother will not be able to return to work to meet her expenses. It is always acceptable to ask specifically how much is going toward the birth mother in particular such as for counseling, rent, clothing, etc. and if these are ongoing fees or are all included in the one fee quoted to you.

Fourth, the amount quoted to you in your agreement with the adoption professional should always be TOTAL and CONCLUSIVE unless stated otherwise in the contract you sign with them. This means that once you sign the contract for a certain amount in fees they are not legally allowed to coerce, insist, or assume that you will pay for anything else. And yes, this means that if it isn’t in writing that you have to and the birth mother suddenly says she needs her cell phone bill paid you are under no obligation to do so, even if (and especially if) you are told it will affect the adoption outcome. If your agency suggest that is the case please report them to the BBB and the Department of Human Resources in their state if they do. This is unacceptable.

Fifth, ask a lot of questions about any type of fee you are paying! You have the right to full disclosure, a term used often by adoption professionals. If an adoption agency tells you that the expenses are for “various office-related expenses” this may be true and may cover those things mentioned above such as utilities, etc. Then again, just because they tell you specifically what it’s for doesn’t mean you must agree. One agency I’m aware of charges around $9,000 each client for “advertising expenses” which I believe is marginally warranted but terribly excessive.

If the amount of any fee seems excessive or an agency is being too vague, you must decide whether or not the answer they have given you is valid enough for you and whether or not you want to proceed with making a contract with them. Some adoption professionals are just too aware of the emotional state of adoption and many adoptive parents feel at everyone’s mercy and are unable to ask too many questions for fear of spoiling their chances of adopting. I can tell you that this is not true! There are more than enough good adoption professionals out there that will answer your questions truthfully with fees that make sense. So ask!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6622516

When a woman or couple is faced with the dilemma of an unwanted pregnancy, there are a few different options. This isn’t about telling you what you should or shouldn’t do, this is about what I chose to do. A decision that was deeply personal, but one that was inevitable.

A Bit Of Background
I was nineteen years old, still a child by most of society’s standards. I found myself in an all too familiar, yet devastating position that a lot of young girls find themselves in. I was pregnant. I wasn’t in a relationship, and I had just started college. I was having the time of my life; new friends, sororities, living on my own for the first time… Freedom, finally. It was fabulous. Then, that. It was the absolute worst thing that could have happened at the time. For awhile, I did the most immature and irresponsible thing I could do. I ignored it. I knew it wouldn’t make it go away, but it was my way of dealing with it. If I didn’t think about it, I didn’t have to worry about decisions, or judgement. That’s the thing about society… People are always so quick to judge young people who find themselves in situations like that, but what they don’t realize is, there’s no way they’re judging you any harsher than you’re judging yourself. I beat myself up over it for weeks. I was a smart girl! I had just received a full ride scholarship to my school of choice… How could I have been so stupid? But once you realize that beating yourself up and putting yourself down isn’t going to make it go away, you can finally start to deal with things.

Decisions, decisions…
Once I came to terms with the fact that I was, in fact, going to have a baby, I was flooded with options. First, I could keep the baby. Love it, cherish it, and raise it. Give it what it needed, and most of what it wanted. Thing is, I wasn’t exactly in any position to provide for a child. Some people may think that giving up a child for adoption is an incredibly selfish decision, but for me, it was the opposite. I was completely aware that if I kept this child, I would never be able to provide for him or her they way they deserved. My family was supportive, and offered help to me if I decided to keep it. But I refused to be a mother that couldn’t do it on my own and constantly needed help, whether it be financially or emotionally. I knew immediately that I was not going to keep this child. So then I was faced with two options:abortion or adoption. Abortion is an extremely touchy subject, one I’m not going to discuss in this hub. I will say though, it was an option I considered. Once I decided that abortion wasn’t the route I wanted to pursue at that time, I was left with only one option.

Adoption

Once I had decided that I was going to place my child up for adoption, I thought my hard decisions were over. That’s far from the truth. Some of the most difficult decisions I had to make were after I had made up my mind about adoption. It is a heart wrenching and emotionally distressing thing to decide who is going to raise your child. There are a few different ways you can go about doing that. You can go through agencies who will help choose parents, figure out all of the legalities of the adoption, and provide any documentation you may need. There are also independent adoptions where no agencies are involved, and the adoptive parents pay medical and legal costs, as well as any other costs. After speaking to a few agencies, I was completely overwhelmed. There are so many families out there that are longing for children, and it is absolutely heart breaking to tell a couple that they aren’t the right people to raise your child. I spoke to my aunt, and she told me about independent adoptions, something I knew nothing about. In order to have an independent adoption, you have to know a couple who is looking to adopt. For some, independent adoptions can be too personal, but I was having no luck with the agencies, so I decided to give it a chance. She told me about some friends of a friend who were looking to adopt. They were a young couple who both worked in the medical field. They had no children of their own, not because they weren’t able, but because they had chosen to pursue adoption so they could give a child a home that needed one. After learning a little about them, I immediately liked them. When I was 8 months pregnant, we finally set up a meeting with them. I was incredibly stressed, and eventually decided not to meet them myself. That sounds absurd, but at that point I just couldn’t handle it. Instead, my aunt and my grandmother met them. If I didn’t trust their opinions completely, I wouldn’t have let them do it. But after the meeting my aunt told me all about them and showed me their picture. In an instant, I could see my child as a part of their family. It was a bittersweet moment, but I knew the decision was made.

Complications

A couple of weeks after I had chosen the couple, I went into the doctor for some normal tests. I was eight and a half months pregnant, and starting to become miserable. My doctor noticed some irregularities in my vitals, and I was immediately checked into the hospital. After some additional tests, I was put on bed rest and the doctors planned to induce my labor, meaning they would physically put me into labor. I wasn’t quite to term with my pregnancy, so my body wouldn’t accept the medicine to induce me. Because of complications, and dangers to the child and myself, I went into surgery for an emergency caesarean section. I was completely terrified. The surgery went smoothly, but afterwards the doctors were incredibly worried about my health. The decision was made that I needed to be sent to a different hospital, one more equipped to deal with my complications. Before I left, my doctor asked if I’d like to see my son. I had given birth to a beautiful baby boy, and I had no idea. I chose to see him, and held him for a few minutes before I was taken to the other hospital.

The hospital I was taken to was about two hours from my home. My family accompanied me there, but left later that evening. I was there for three days, completely alone except for the insane amount of doctors and nurses parading in and out of my room. That was three days to think about things. I was told that because of all of the complications with my pregnancy it would be incredibly dangerous, possibly even life-threatening, for me to have another child. When they told me that, I was horrified because this could be my only chance to be a mother. Just because I didn’t feel ready at this point in my life to have a child didn’t mean that I never wanted to have a child. Those three days were a sort of blessing in disguise, because it gave me time to realize that regardless of what I may or may not be able to do in the future, adoption was still the best option for me, and for him, at this point. My son was in the hospital back home, along with all of my family and his new adoptive family. Because no papers had been signed and I was still his legal guardian, he couldn’t be released from the hospital until I was there. Once I was released, my family picked me up and we drove straight to our local hospital. His adoptive parents were waiting there, and it was the first time I had met them in person. It was so easy to see the utter joy that they had. They were taking home their son today. I signed the release papers from the hospital, and since I hadn’t signed over my parental rights to the adoptive couple, the nurse could only hand him to me. Then I physically had to hand him to his new parents. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but at the same time, it was so easy to give him to people who could provide for him rather than take him home and struggle.

The Aftermath

The first few weeks I was home were difficult. I was emotional and wasn’t quite sure how to handle everything that had happened in such a short amount of time. I talked to a therapist about how I was feeling, something I urge any of you to do if you’re having a hard time handling anything in your life. A therapist is there to talk and listen, and just to help you figure out how to deal with different emotions and life changes. It didn’t help that my family kept in contact with the adoptive family, and occasionally saw the baby. Two years later, they continue to see him. If you’re in a situation where you’re considering adoption, this may be something you have to contend with. The way my family views it, I gave my son up for adoption, but he’s still their grandson and nephew. Like I said, independent adoptions can be very personal, so if this sounds like something you’d rather not deal with, agency adoptions may the a better route for you.

It’s been two years since I chose adoption, and I couldn’t be happier with my decision. If you find yourself pregnant and not sure what to do, remember that you have options. If you choose adoption, there are different ways to go about it. And once you decide who your child’s new family will be, there are different types of adoption to choose from. Research your options and figure out what is best for you. Remember, just because it’s right for someone else doesn’t mean it’s the best thing for your situation.

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